


I Know There's Nothing I Can Do To Change It (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7539010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>requested by anonymous: Can you do a Carisi one based on the song love you goodbye by one direction?</p><p>word count: 1092</p><p>warnings: fighting, domestic problems, sex insinuation, breakups, angst, i literally cried writing this</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know There's Nothing I Can Do To Change It (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI)

When Sonny left you it was a shock.

You were sitting, waiting for him, on the couch when he walked through the door. You grinned and took in the form of his body in his dress shirt and vest, the slacks that hugged his hips in all the ways you loved. He looked downtrodden, but Sonny always looked like that after a bad case.

“Hey, baby,” You stood and walked toward him, but stopped in your tracks as he tossed his jacket on the floor and rubbed a hand down his face. He looked worse than normal and it made you worry. He never looked like that before, never carelessly slung his suit jackets onto the floor, “Are you okay?”

Your stomach dropped when he looked up at you, near tears. He shook his head and leaned against the wall, huffing out a sigh. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” You bobbed your head, “Okay. What’s wrong?” When you tried to walk closer to Sonny, reach out your hand for him, he raised his own and shook his head. He stood and tried to avoid your eyes, “Sonny, you have to speak. You’re scaring me.”

“I want to break up,” He blurted, finally looking at you. Your world came crashing down and you found it hard to breathe. Had you done something wrong? Said the wrong thing? _Had you not loved him enough?_

“What?” Your reply was breathless and you took an involuntary step back, “You want to _what_?” He bit his lip and then you watched as his face hardened.

“Break up. With you. I’m going to move out but I want to break up with you before I do that.” You turned around, one hand on your hip, the other on your forehead.

“But why?” Your voice wavered and you tried to bite back tears as you kept your back to Sonny. “What did I do wrong? Am I not enough?” You heard his steps on the hardwood of the floors that you used to share with him, but they never neared enough for him to touch you, “Fuck,” You cursed as tears began dripping down your cheeks.

“You’re enough. You’re more than enough. You’re too enough,” His voice stung and he heard you gasp in confusion, he stopped talking. You wanted more, needed more, of an explanation.

“You’ve already broken my heart, _Dominick_ , what’s wrong with twisting the knife a little bit? How am I too enough?” His given name tasted sour in your mouth because you’ve never called him that before. He’s always been your Sonnshine and you’ve always been his Moon.

Egged on by the hard edge in your voice, he kept speaking, “You’re suffocating, too much all the time. I need to leave before I drown.” And it hurt, fuck did it hurt, but you needed to hear him say it, needed anger to burn away the sadness in your throat. “Between you and the job I don’t have enough time for me.” His hand fell onto your shoulder, but you yanked it away, turning to face him. You snarled.

“Right,” The anger was a false front, and he could see right through it. “Because I take up so much of your time.” In a moment, anger flashed across his face, but as he watched yours burn out to into black hole sadness he turned his own fury into tears that threatened to tip over and roll down his cheeks. “You know I love you in that suit. Why are you wearing it tonight? When you’re leaving me?” A stupid question to distract yourself from the stupid tears on your cheeks and the stupid pain in your belly and the stupid agony you felt in your heart.

But when he didn’t answer, only looked to the floor, it dawned on you.

When he woke up that morning, Sonny wasn’t planning on breaking up with you. He still loved you, still cared for you but something happened. Something between the moment when he kissed you goodbye and when he walked through your door. “What happened?” You asked, voice breaking, “We’re good. We understand each other. What went wrong? What’s going wrong.”

Sonny just shook his head and you turned your head away from him. “Nothing went _wrong_. It just wasn’t going right.”  
  
“You and I both know that’s bullshit,” You said, lip trembling, and suddenly it felt like your legs were gone and you were twisting through space with no suit on. “Please, just tell me what happened. We are- we were- unforgettable, you know? People are-” You took a moment to breath in and bite your lip, correcting your tense, “People were jealous of us. The way we seemed to hold our hands and have the world in them, too. Nobody understood us, except us.”  
  
“That’s where you’re wrong,” And his accent was thick with emotion and you cherished it, knowing you wouldn’t hear it again after that night, “You understood it. I’m confused, lost, in a relationship that’s like a fucking train wreck.” The metaphorical knife underneath your ribcage twisted, and you could feel the blood from the wound leaking out your eyes, “And I can’t do it anymore.” You sucked in a deep breath.

“One more night,” You tried to bargain, “Just give me one more night, please.” He didn’t understand, but you kept going, trying to negotiate with the heartbreak that was coursing through your veins. “Just, okay, one more night to feel you and taste your lips on mine like you’re not leaving me, okay? I promise, one more night and you can leave and I’ll let you and I won’t bother you anymore.” Sonny seemed to agree and he grasped your face in his hands, pressing his lips to yours as he tried to lead you to the bedroom.

It was a night of pretending that you weren’t losing the love of your life, like his body against yours wasn’t going to be the last time you felt it, like his lips didn’t taste like sorrow and regret. You moved in tandem with him and tried to pretend liek you didn’t have frostbite on your fingers when you woke up to an empty bed and an empty closet. You tried to pretend like you weren’t delivering his jacket to the precinct to try and see him.

You tried to pretend that your heart didn’t snap in two when Olivia said, “He’s gone, he left.” And you realized that Sonny had really, truly left you and left New York in the same breath.


End file.
